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New Movie Trailer Reviews in Haiku [6.22.18] (VIDEO)

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New Movie Trailers Reviewed in Haiku 6.22.18
New Movie Trailers Reviewed in Haiku 6.22.18

It’s time once again for New Movie Trailer Reviews in Haiku.

This time out the focus is on movies already in theaters with BIG NAME STARS, BIG BUDGETS and, still, they turn out to be… BIG BOMBS!

At least, according to Rotten Tomatoes.

All five of these films scored low on The Tomato Meter, splatting across the screen and ultimately failing the smell test.

But, just like the old saying goes: “There’s no accounting for taste.”

Even if it’s bad…

So, we’ll let you be the judge!

 

Boundaries

Here’s one road movie

Where you’ll find yourself screaming:

“Please run out of gas!”

 

Beach House

It’s just for the day

But you’ll regret accepting

The invitation

 

Izzy Gets The F*ck Across Town

About halfway through

You’ll be thinking, “Should I ask,

Can I go with you?”

 

The Catcher Was A Spy

When he was a boy

He yearned to be a catcher

Shoulda learned to pitch

 

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

These are new Dinos

But it’s soon made very clear

Why they went extinct!

 

New Movie Trailer Reviews In Haiku [5.25.18]

 

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bella thorne

Bella Thorne Plays Cyberbulling GF In New Movie

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The rumors are true. Actress Bella Thorne has taken on a challenging new role in which she plays the girlfriend of a boy who committed suicide. The movie is based on a true story of a girl who allegedly bullied her boyfriend into killing himself. Is this the next Thirteen Reasons Why? Or is it a step in the right direction for mental health awareness?

Four years ago, Conrad Roy III, an 18-year-old student who struggled with depression committed suicide after being harassed by his girlfriend, Michelle Carter. Was this just the result of some teen drama? Hell no. Michelle knew that Conrad was depressed and bombarded him with messages encouraging him to kill himself. WTF? Now, with the memory still fresh in people’s minds, Lifetime is profiting off of the tragedy with its new movie, “Conrad and Michelle: If Words Could Kill.” Shockingly, this seems like a bad idea to many people.

So lets get this straight. Lifetime casts a pretty actress to play a horrible person, romanticizing her right off the bat. Instead of making a documentary, they make an edgy teen drama which calls more attention to the criminal than to the boy whose life was lost. If by now the media hasn’t gotten the memo that glorifying killers inspires copycat crimes, they never will. But anything for the views, right?

What’s the real-life Michelle Carter doing right now? She is currently appealing her manslaughter conviction, claiming that the prosecutors cherry-picked the bad messages to win the case. Yeah, she may have told her boyfriend to kill himself multiple times, but what about the “I love you’s” or heart emojis? That makes her a good person who accidentally said some mean things a few times, oops!

The jury might eat that up because she’s a pretty white girl who even looks like Bella Thorne. 18-year-old Michelle who sent those messages by her own will was just a little girl with some issues.

Great job respecting Conrad’s life, Lifetime.

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Are Noah Centineo And Lana Condor An Item?

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If you thought that the chemistry between Lara Jean and Peter in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before felt like more than just good acting, you could be onto something. The more obsessed (I mean dedicated) fans have seen the interviews, and claim that the actors are totally into each other IRL. It’s undeniable that the teen fashion queen and tall, sensitive king look beyond cute together. But that doesn’t prove anything. So where is the evidence that fans speak of?

Source: Just Jared

Noah Centineo, AKA the only guy who can pull off the grandpa look in such a classy way, is known for his sentimental tweets. His twitter is full of gems that make perfect instagram captions. Move over, song lyrics. But were any of his sweet words about Lana? This tweet could be:

It fits with the theory because Lana is still technically dating actor Anthony de la Torre, who is apparently “totally cool” with his girlfriend cuddling up the most-sought after young celeb. Poor guy. Now, there’s nothing wrong with the occasional hug or shoulder lean, but these people take platonic cuddling to a whole new level.

source: Girlfriend

In fact, the story behind this picture is that the two actually fell asleep together like this on set. Either Lana and her boyfriend are in some sort of open relationship or the actress is totally wishing she could make it official with Noah. I mean, what boyfriend would be cool with his girl posting pics like this on her insta?

Anyone can see that this crosses the line of professional, big time. So what is the Twitterverse saying about everyone’s OTP? Fan @keiyskavinsky spilled this lesser known secret, gaining thousands of likes and retweets:

The movie is literally overflowing with romantic scenes and they wanted another one? Nothing to see here..

User @tomhollandx posted this tweet about normal things that people in relationships do with their platonic friends:

Are Lana and Noah going to fake-marry each other as friends next?

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beyonce

Beyonce And Jay-Z Stay Winning

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When Beyonce moves, success follows. Though she may have been indecisive about staying with Jay-Z, she knows that when they get along they can do great things together. The power couple are currently performing side-by-side for their “On The Run II” tour and people are loving it. Lemonade was sweet, but Bey’s current tour is even sweeter.

According to Complex, the tour has brought in $150 million so far. And once it’s over, it’s estimated that they will have made $250 million. That’s insane! They are outselling every other artist by far. In fact, it’s so much that to call it a competition would almost be insulting. It goes to show that if a couple can get past minor issues such as cheating, your wallet will thank you.

Bey and Jay may have failed each other from time to time, but one thing that they never failed to do is engage the audience. Unlike artists such as Nicki Minaj, who sold a lot of albums but can’t fill an arena, the dynamic duo keeps fans interested.

However, some people are a little too obsessed with the couple, as seen on Saturday when a fan jumped onto the stage during a performance. According to ET, the super fan snuck past security all the way to the backup dancers where he was finally caught. While the guy’s actions were incredibly stupid, it’s pretty impressive that he was able to get that far before anyone noticed. But then again, who would blame the security for jamming out to the hottest artists of the year?

What did the professionals have to say about this? In a politely-worded statement, they told the media that “at the end of last night’s show, we had an intoxicated male enter the stage. At this point, we had a controlled evacuation of all crew on the stage in order to safely defuse the situation.” And the show goes on.

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